What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull?

One is ___________________ and the other is a dog.

One is appropriately referred to as a bitch and the other is a dog.
One is always licking its own balls and the other is a dog.
One is an angry beast that hates blacks and the other is a dog.
One is always killing defenseless animals and the other is a dog.
One can not be displayed without $150,000 of wardrobe and expensive grooming and the other is a dog. Staff

One is always drinking from the toilet and the other is a dog. David Lee Schneck, Allentown, PA
One is the designated attack dog and the other is a dog. Jane Jarvis,
Bayside, NY
One is prepared for breeding with a muzzle and some cheap wine and the other is a dog. Elliot Maddox,
East Orange, NJ
One scares old men and children and the other is a dog. Lance Johnson,
Fort Worth, TX
One cums at the sound of a can opener and the other is a dog. Todd Palin,
Dillingham, AK
One is dumb as a hockey puck and the other is a dog. Anonymous,
Unknown, ??
One typically has a litter of at least 5 mongrels and the other is a dog. Don "the Duff" Dyer,
Fresno, CA

Fotoshop Funny No. 6: While barnstorming through Ohio, John McCain and Sarah Palin take a break to enjoy the local cuisine. A.P. October 30, 2008

Talk about a photo op. Sarah looks like she's enjoying every last drop of that big yellow drink and John can not resist anything sitting on a bed of white bread. e-mail us

What the curtains? My crack team of ivy league writers spit the bit on this one and broke the first rule of web-based comedy, too many words. I know you can be more funny! e-mail us

DanielJStaub4 of New Orleans sent in a winner. Fact: Sarah Palin makes McCain look 140 years old. Fact: Sarah Palin is a cold, heartless shrew with the brain of a flea. Fact: It's funny cause its true. Send us yours!!!

Fotoshop Funny No. 5: John and Cindy McCain, up close and personal.
A.P. October 29, 2008

OK, up to now, we've been pitching batting practice. This photo has one obvious joke and I got dibs.
e-mail us

The juxtaposition of the subjects combined with Senator McCain's forlorn look -- homerun. Can you be more funny? e-mail us

Ka-ching! The Prozac Princess and the Magnetic Monkey. Kudos to Wayne Garrett, lost in the corn fields of Iowa. Send us yours!!!

Fotoshop Funny No. 4: Sarah Palin enjoys killing almost as much as Dick Cheney. A.P. October 21, 2008

Sarah Palin spending quality time with a boy that looks cold. e-mail us

Sarah Palin, huntress. Now that's hot! Probably not really a reindeer but close enough for this New Yorker. Can you be more funny? e-mail us

Jesse Gonder of Little Rock, AR submits this frightening Fotoshop Funny. When you think about it, Santa is a socialist!!! Can't Sarah see the North Pole from her front step? Has she alerted the Alaska Air National Guard? Sarah Palin weak on socialists? Send us yours!!!

VinceDontNoNuthin29 of Jacksonville FL, went with a surefire moose mention and some down home g-droppin'. I may know nuthin' about no huntin' but that ain't no moose. Elk, maybe, reindeer, could be, caribou, probably, but sure as shootin' ain't no Bullwinkle. Send us yours!!!

From jcMartin9, whereabouts unknown. Violence against a journalist can never be tolerated, unless we're talking an elitist, Washington insider at CNN. Send us yours!!!

Claude E. Lockwood 's vicious punch to the gut left me gasping for air. Only complaint, too many words. But funny is funny! Send us yours!!!

Fotoshop Funny No. 3: Sarah Palin made her diplomatic debut yesterday when she met Presidents Karzai and Alvaro, and former Secretary of State Kissinger. Governor Palin remarked, "Ya know, they were pretty nice for foreigners but that last guy's accent? Are ya kiddin' me?"
A.P. September 24, 2008

This photo has unbounded possibilities. Feel free to use thought or dialogue balloons. We'll change 'em for you. e-mail us

We took the lowest road, his unbelievable past as a stud bagel and her obvious fear of the unfamiliar. Can you be more funny?
e-mail us

Ed Glynn of New York, NY was our first reponder. He loses points for reusing Marlo but kraut talk and schtupp, always funny. Send us yours!!!

Thanks to Anna Benson of Atlanta, GA. Sex and Jesus, always a winner. What would Jesus do is so 1997, but still, it gave me a smile -- much like Sarah's smile in this photo. She looks like a trapped lemming. Maybe its that big, meaty Kosher hand that has her dainty little Christian paw pinned to her thigh. Send us yours!!!

This submission was sent in by Clinton M. Hurdle of the Great State of Michigan. I have to hand it to him, his hand line is better than mine. Send us yours!!!

Sent in by Bob Melonosky of Dix Hills, NY. Bob wanted us to plug his website but it was more unAmerican than the West Village. Hank has been involved in historic negotiations with China, Russia, and the entire Middle East but, by far, his most famous quote is about banging stewardesses. Nice! Send us yours!!!

Kelly Calabrese of San Diego, CA hits a dinger. Timely and satiny. BTW, you can get sheets made out of that material from the Wilt Chamberlain collection at Saks Fifth Avenue . Send us yours!!!

From Delbert Unser, Decauteur, IL. Two clean Fotoshop Funnies in a row? Maybe now we can renew our membership in Focus on the Family. Send us yours!!!

Fotoshop Funny No. 2: Yeah, so its more obvious than Joe the Dumber. Try as we might, we could not resist.

What the Spin MD is going on?
Write that one and that one's thoughts and
we'll post it right here and give you props. e-mail us

Here's our best, admittedly cheap, shot. Can you be more funny?
e-mail us

John Elroy Sanford of St. Louis, MO sent this baby in. Combining a fart joke with an old Sanford and Son call back is pure comedy gold!
Send us yours!!!

Fotoshop Funny No. 1: Last Week, Sarah Palin expressed her disappointment with the McCain campaign decision to pull out of Michigan early. A.P. October 6, 2008

Write Cindy's response!
We'll post it right here and give you props.
Send us yours!!!

Here's our best shot. Can you be more funny? e-mail us
RichFolkersIowa38 sent us this classic zinger. Why did they pick Sarah? I forget. Send us yours!!!

String from we don't know where sent this in. I like where String is going but while I wish McCain was never conceived, and String wishes McCain was never conceived, does Cindy share this wish? In the writer's room, I would have tried to get it changed to, "Your father." e-mail us


About this site:
When I heard the Sarah Palin joke, "What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull? Lipstick.", it was immediately obvious that there were dozens of better punch lines and that they are in the form.

One is a ______ and the other is a dog.

About me:
I'm a comedy writer and one of 301,139,947 Americans more qualified than Sarah Palin to run my country.


Write a punchline for Sarah!

Fulfill your childhood dream of being a Republican speechwriter. Send me a punchline and I'll post it and give you full creds. Just like Arthur Shamsky of Bellview, Michigan!

What's the difference between a hockey mom and a pitbull?

One is a mother that drives their kids to hockey games in their SUVs and the other is a dog.

Funny, but I bet you can do even better!



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